hey kiddos.

I’ve been home now for a few days. sleeping lots, catching up with friends, making plans for exciting things to come. i knew vancouver was the last show of this tour, but it still hit me extra heavy that night. it felt like that night flew by, and i wanted it to last much longer. coming to your cities, meeting you, singing these songs with and for you, i cannot express the feeling it gives me. so much purpose, and love, and electricity running through my veins, that when it ends and i go home, i feel a bit like a lost little kid in a grocery store.

i met so many beautiful, kind, generous people. we had engagements happen in the crowd, there were throuples, and best friends (old and new), lovers who parted ways and reunited later in life, exe’s stood face to face in the crowd. i met people who bonded over my music - songs like yellow and kitchen light bringing them together. we started rumours (istg i’m taller than 3 apples) and every time someone would thank me for my music, it was all i could do to not scream in their face “NO, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING !!!”.

and i honestly don’t think i could say thank you enough. every single thing about this tour and these shows have been so special and integral and healing for me, and i know its been special for you too. and i feel so LUCKY. and blessed. so thank you for coming. thank you for giving a shit !!! thank you for sharing these experiences with your friends, your lovers, your younger self, and with me. i love you, sickeningly so. and we’re gonna have to do this all again soon, cause i’m kind of pissed off that it’s over !!!

speaking of doing it all again !!! i really want to know what you loved from this tour, what you took away from it, if there are things you wish we had done differently, or what you want to see in future tours! it’s important to me that i keep putting on shows that feel special and personal for all of us, so i want to know what that looks like for you. please let me know your thoughts, desires, feelings. i’m pretty sure you can leave comments on these posts lol.

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since i’m treating this like a diary entry, i wanted to document allllll the cities the sex was soooo good in… most of these cities i had never been to before, but instantly felt so welcomed in each place. we spent an insane amount of hours in a tour van this year, and each one was so worth it. we went to…

portland, seattle, san francisco, los angeles, san diego, mesa, austin, dallas, atlanta, tampa, orlando (honourable mention to nashville which i only saw the 4 walls of my hotel room and a doctors office while i was devlishly ill, but i heard the rest of my band had a nice night off so yay for them. and washington, which we didn’t even make it there at all and instead held up in a random hotel in roanoak as i continued to recover from the plague. my heart still aches for those cancelled shows, but we will make it up to you xoxo) philadelphia, new york city, boston, pontiac, chicago, minneapolis, milwuakee (that time i opened for fletcher???? pardon???) denver, salt lake city, montreal, ottawa, winnipeg, saskatoon, edmonton, calgary, victoria and vancouver.

LIKE THAT IS INSANE HOLY HELL ???? im out of breath. how is this real life. another cool fact, boston was the largest show with 500 people!!!! 500 perfect, beautiful, energetic people… that night will never leave my mind or my heart. i am literally the luckiest girl on the planet!!!!

(me & bro)

some of my top favourite songs to play this tour were… the sex was good!, lip service, better kind of best friend, the kicker (don’t yell at me america, your time will come) aaaand…

15/lavender were at times a bit challenging to perform, i won’t lie. but it was so healing to share that with you… and see how cathartic that experience was for so many of you. i’m glad we could hold that space for each other, i’m glad i could hold you. i feel so grateful that something as delicate and raw and painful as those 2 songs are held with such strength and protection by you. i really appreciate that. thank you. and if those songs hit a little too close to home for you, i hope you know you won’t live like that forever. i am living proof.

and not to be dramatic but how dare y’all make me cry like that on stage. i mean, i get that i make y’all cry like that at home but come on… so rude of you to give me a taste my own medicine. <3

(omg look at my super sexy band, i love them so much. Liam McLaren, Jess Jones and Liam Moes. LEGENDS.)

anyways. what else is new? oh yes of course, i’m gonna try my hand at this substack thing. it’s giving tumblr, and that was the asylum that raised me. i’m always looking for good ways to stay connected with you all, and i love how this will reach you directly, AND feel so personal. like i’m literally word vomiting into your inbox at 11am on a wednesday right now, that’s so awesome. i promise not to get too annoying with it, i just wanna keep you in my loop (and you in mine!). some of you may be receiving this because you are part of my mailing list, which i am now making more of an effort to use :)

i’m gonna sign off here. the sex was good tour might be over (for now……) but you know me. i’m always scheming, always planning. and i think you’re gonna like what i have coming. i’ll talk to you soon! and i’m sending you all my love. and i hope you’re well. and THANK YOU for this tour, thank you for this journey, for your trust, for everything, a million times over. my heart is yours.

don’t forget to be gentle with yourself this season.

love, xana.

(photo credits to @lensofbhumika @angvisuals @adequate_chad @restless_mwrundown @marjohalle and @sarinasolem on instagram)